Farmer’s Blow!

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If you have ever watched a University of Iowa Hawkeye football game, you may have noticed they wear an insignia on their helmets that simply has the letters ANF. This abbreviation stands for America Needs Farmers. They are right. Farmers provide thousands of jobs, produce our food and raise our steaks and bacon. All their contributions cannot be counted or named in a silly blog. Even though they are the reason we eat, and survive as a nation, they have made one contribution to this world that goes well beyond eco-friendly soil and water conservation. What is this contribution you ask? The Farmers’ Blow. If you are unfamiliar with this term, I bet you are not unfamiliar with the practice and it has nothing to do with windmills. It has to do with pairing one digit, one nostril, compression and force.

Confused? Let me explain. Think back to a day you’re out on the trail chugging along and you notice your ability to inhale through your nose has decreased by 30% or so. As your confusion sets in as to why your oxygen levels has decreased, you realize there is a blockage. This blockage could have been caused by many of the beautiful particulates that mother nature produces. The question is, what is the solution? A back hand nose wipe won’t work, there is no Kleenex in site and you left home without your turkey baster. You run for a few more meters and realize there is only one answer to this problem. You are partially relieved and partially disgusted by this realization. But first, what’s the etiquette you ask yourself? I’m in middle of nowhere, do I have carte blanche to let it fly? What if someone see’s me? What happens if I’m only partially successful in  eradicating the particulates? As your run continues to suffer from the loss of oxygen intake, you start to panic. Then instinctually your hand slowly moves to the opposite side of your clogged nostril, compression occurs and then force. Freedom. Shame. A wave of emotions takes ahold of you. More importantly, a wave of glorious oxygen begins to flow from all ports of entry. You end your run, you feel accomplished, proud and ready to attack your day. That’s when you learn that sometimes to achieve greatness you must ignore social etiquette and throw caution (and other gooey material) into the wind.

Never forget, America Needs Farmers. Their contributions to our country are immeasurable. We must treat them with respect and understand they absolutely don’t suck, but they definitely do blow.

 

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